User:OrenBochman/Grammar Drills 2

Here are four sets of exercises: in paragraphing, the control of sentence length, and the use of commas (two sets).

Exercise in paragraphing

Here’s a fat, grey paragraph that was the lead in a FAC. It needs to be broken up into, let’s say, four manageable portions. There are a number of ways of dividing it, so we can offer only a suggested solution.

Your task is to identify three statements in the paragraph that appear to take a fresh direction. Check that each of these statements can function as a “theme”—that is, as a logical, cohesive subsidiary topic within the lead. To perform this function, each statement that you identify must be followed by extensions or enhancements of the idea that it introduces.

The Sun is the star at the centre of our solar system. The Earth and other matter (including other planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets and dust) orbit the Sun, which by itself accounts for more than 99% of the solar system’s mass. Energy from the Sun—in the form of sunlight, supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and, via heating from insolation—drives the Earth’s climate and weather. About 74% of the Sun’s mass is hydrogen, 25% is helium, and the rest is made up of trace quantities of heavier elements. The Sun is about 4.6 billion years old and is about halfway through its main-sequence evolution, during which nuclear fusion reactions in its core fuse hydrogen into helium. Each second, more than four million tonnes of matter are converted into energy within the Sun’s core, producing neutrinos and solar radiation. In about five billion years, the Sun will evolve into a red giant and then a white dwarf, creating a planetary nebula in the process. The Sun is a magnetically active star; it supports a strong, changing magnetic field that varies from year to year and reverses direction about every 11 years. The Sun’s magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth’s outer atmosphere. Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered; these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the Sun’s regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.

Perhaps you’d like a hint as to what the “theme” of each of the four new, shorter paragraphs might be?
Including the start, the four themes of the lead might be: introduction; evolution/energy production (i.e., introduced by the first fresh statement that you’ve identified); magnetic and other solar activity; and unanswered questions. Before you hit “suggested solution”, go back to the exercise and see if you’ve chosen the same boundaries.

suggested solution

The Sun is the star at the centre of our solar system. The Earth and other matter (including other planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets and dust) orbit the Sun, which by itself accounts for more than 99% of the solar system’s mass. Energy from the Sun—in the form of sunlight, supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and, via heating from insolation—drives the Earth’s climate and weather. About 74% of the Sun’s mass is hydrogen, 25% is helium, and the rest is made up of trace quantities of heavier elements. The Sun is about 4.6 billion years old and is about halfway through its main-sequence evolution, during which nuclear fusion reactions in its core fuse hydrogen into helium. Each second, more than four million tonnes of matter are converted into energy within the Sun’s core, producing neutrinos and solar radiation. In about five billion years, the Sun will evolve into a red giant and then a white dwarf, creating a planetary nebula in the process. The Sun is a magnetically active star; it supports a strong, changing magnetic field that varies from year to year and reverses direction about every 11 years. The Sun’s magnetic field gives rise to many effects that are collectively called solar activity, including sunspots on the surface of the Sun, solar flares, and variations in the solar wind that carry material through the solar system. The effects of solar activity on Earth include auroras at moderate to high latitudes, and the disruption of radio communications and electric power. Solar activity is thought to have played a large role in the formation and evolution of the solar system, and strongly affects the structure of Earth’s outer atmosphere. Although it is the nearest star to Earth and has been intensively studied by scientists, many questions about the Sun remain unanswered; these include why its outer atmosphere has a temperature of over a million degrees K when its visible surface (the photosphere) has a temperature of just 6000 K. Current topics of scientific enquiry include the Sun’s regular cycle of sunspot activity, the physics and origin of solar flares and prominences, the magnetic interaction between the chromosphere and the corona, and the origin of the solar wind.

Jane Austen (1775–1817) is widely regarded as one of the greatest writers in the English language. Her unfailingly elegant prose depicted middle- and upper-class moral dilemmas with powerful irony.

Exercise in sentence length

When you see a sentence that is too long, ask yourself the following questions:

• Where to split the sentence?
• Why does the excessive length make it unclear?
• How to reword the part more effectively?

In the follwing excercises have a sentence which is too long. Typically, the author has tried to cram too many related ideas into the sentence. For each exercise, identify where and how to split the sentence for easier reading. The “where” is easy enough—aim for roughly equal parts either side of the split; the “how” is more challenging—sometimes you’ll have to change the grammar a little.

For each question, hit “[Show]“ in the lower box to reveal the solution. If you'd like a hint before displaying the solution, first hit “[Show]“ in the upper box to reveal it.

QUESTION
Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, unaccompanied sacred song, which was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in the Frankish lands during the 9th and 10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.

HINT

A good location for a break is about half-way through (see the red text below). You could start your new, second sentence with “This ...”. However, being singular, “this” could refer back to any of the four singular items in the first sentence: “Gregorian chant”, “best-known repertory”, “plainchant”, or “a form of monophonic, unaccompanied sacred song”. That would be fuzzy. To make it clear, you’ll probably need to restate one of these items at the start of your new sentence. Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, unaccompanied sacred song, which was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in the Frankish lands during the 9th and 10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.

SOLUTION
Gregorian chant is the best-known repertory of plainchant, a form of monophonic, unaccompanied sacred song. Plainchant was developed in the Catholic Church, mainly in the Frankish lands during the 9th and 10th centuries, with later additions and redactions.

QUESTION
However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and anti-Federalists over the balance between strengthening the nation’s government and weakening the rights of the people who just 10 years earlier had rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his unwillingness to change the taxation regime.

HINT

Here, again, you’ll need to tweak the grammar and repeat an item in the new sentence, preferably not straight after the previous occurrence. However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and anti-Federalists over the balance between strengthening the nation’s government and weakening the rights of the people who just 10 years earlier had rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his unwillingness to change the taxation regime.

SOLUTION

However, ardent debate ensued between political factions known as the Federalists and anti-Federalists over the balance between strengthening the nation’s government and weakening the rights of the people. Just 10 years earlier, the same people had rebelled against the perceived tyranny of George III of England, particularly his unwillingness to change the taxation regime. We inserted "same" ("the same people") to retain the writer's emphasis.

QUESTION
As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuff”, which is typically used by football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results that go against the odds, as a reference to the dramatic storylines that became the trademark of the comic strip.

HINT

This is long enough to split in several ways; our solution is just one. We opted to repeat the main item ("the phrase") some way into the second sentence. See if you can work out where. As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuff”, which is typically used by football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results that go against the odds, as a reference to the dramatic storylines that became the trademark of the comic strip.

SOLUTION

As such, the comic strip holds a unique place in British football folklore, demonstrated most clearly by the phrase “real Roy of the Rovers stuff”. Typically used by football writers and commentators to describe displays of great skill or results that go against the odds, the phrase is a reference to the dramatic storylines that became the trademark of the comic strip. Like "the same people" in the previous exercise, the key back-reference here ("the phrase") is in the middle of the second sentence. This sometimes works well.

QUESTION
Originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming of the engine oil by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil pressure, the system circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted inside the right-front fender—and the engine, as opposed to the usual four or five litres that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump.

HINT
Bring the subject of this long sentence back to the start; and make two stand-alone sentences, each starting with the (same) subject.

SOLUTION

The system was originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming of the engine oil by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil pressure. The system circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted inside the right-front fender—and the engine, as opposed to the usual four or five litres that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump. You might consider avoiding the repetition of the subject ("the system") by using a semicolon at the same boundary, instead of a full-stop. The magic of a semicolon is that you can use "it" to refer right back to the start of the statement. If the second section is still too long for your liking, you could split off the last part into a third, final sentence. The text would then look something like this: The system was originally developed for racing cars to prevent the foaming of the engine oil by the crankshaft, which created a serious drop in oil pressure; it circulated 12 litres of oil between the storage tank—mounted inside the right-front fender—and the engine. This compared favourably with the usual four or five litres that circulated in V8s with a standard oil pan and pump.

The writing desk of Ernest Hemingway (1899–1961), an American novelist whose distinctive writing style is characterised by economy and understatement.

Exercise in smoothly integrating ideas into a sentence

Although the title here says "sentence", learning how to integrate ideas effectively can involve the relationship between sentences, as well as within them. Some of the exercises thus involve two sentences.

Try to determine how the ideas in these exercises might be better integrated. This may involve using a more appropriate link (e.g., an additive rather than a contrastive word, or a semicolon or full-stop instead of "and").

For each question, hit [Show] in the lower box to reveal the solution. If you'd like a hint before displaying the solution, first hit [Show] in the upper box to reveal it.

Please widen your window if the display is distorted.

QUESTION
The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass, however, is contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface.

HINT
How does the second sentence grow out of the first—by: contradicting it? causing it, or being caused by it? or just adding further information to it?

SOLUTION
The Earth's atmosphere has no definite boundary, slowly becoming thinner until it fades into outer space. Three-quarters of the atmosphere's mass, however, is contained within the first 11 kilometres of the planet's surface. The second sentence just adds more information, so "however", with its commas, should be removed.

QUESTION
He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher and they are well-known as squabbling siblings.

HINT
How close are the two ideas in this sentence?

SOLUTION

He is the elder brother of Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher; they are well-known as squabbling siblings. In most contexts, announcing that they're brothers and telling us that they squabble will be too different to belong in the one sentence, particularly a short one. Inserting a comma before "and" would be better than nothing, but a semicolon instead of "and" provides a more distinct boundary between the ideas.

QUESTION
The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the Home Office, but also included officers of the diplomatic corps.

HINT
What's the relationship between the last clause ("but also included ...") and the previous statement? There's a redundant word here, too.

SOLUTION

The accusations were largely directed towards senior civil servants, particularly in the Home Office, but also and included officers of the diplomatic corps. The relationship is additive, not contrastive. "Largely" already indicates that the accusations were directed at other people as well. Therefore "and", not "but" should link to what is simply additional, expected information. As usual, "also" adds nothing and should be removed.

QUESTION
The ranges of L. raniformis and L. castanea overlap with that of the Green and Golden Bell Frog, and the general body shape and coloration of the three species are similar.

HINT
> Are the two ideas close enough to be glued together like this?

SOLUTION
The ranges of L. raniformis and L. castanea overlap with that of the Green and Golden Bell Frog; the general body shape and coloration of the three species are similar. Again, the two clauses are too different to be linked with a comma + and.

QUESTION
He formed several bands while at high school: the first, The Shadow Blasters, was short-lived, but the second, The Golden Chords, lasted longer.

HINT
How are the two clauses related?

SOLUTION
He formed several bands while at high school: the first, The Shadow Blasters, was short-lived; the second, The Golden Chords, lasted longer. Since the second clause in no way contradicts the first, comma + "and", or a semicolon will do the trick.

Exercise in using commas

• needs explanations hints and solutions checks

QUESTION
It is sponsored by Canonical Ltd (owned by Mark Shuttleworth) and the name of the distribution comes from the South African concept of ubuntu—roughly, "humanity towards others".

HINT
(Not close enough for "and"—use semicolon)

SOLUTION
It is sponsored by Canonical Ltd (owned by Mark Shuttleworth) and the name of the distribution comes from the South African concept of ubuntu—roughly, "humanity towards others".

QUESTION
Ubuntu packages have generally been based on packages from Debian's unstable branch: both distributions use Debian's deb package format and, APT/Synaptic to manage installed packages.

HINT
Replace and,

SOLUTION
Ubuntu packages have generally been based on packages from Debian's unstable branch: both distributions use Debian's deb package format; APT/Synaptic to manage installed packages.

QUESTION
Kombi, however, is not only the name of the passenger variant, but is also the Australasian and Brazilian term for the whole Type 2 family in much the same way that they are all called VW-Bus in Germany, even the pickup truck variations

HINT
Hint 1 Hint 2

SOLUTION
solution text

QUESTION
Candler's successful marketing, continued by his successors such as Robert Woodruff, established Coke as a major soft drink first in the United States and later around the world.

HINT
Hint 1 Hint 2

SOLUTION
solution text

QUESTION
During the breeding season males experience hormonal changes including an increase in luteinizing hormone and testosterone levels and their testes double in size.

HINT
Hint 1

SOLUTION
solution text

QUESTION
It was one of the first true assault rifles, and remains the most widely used.

HINT
Remove comma

SOLUTION
It was one of the first true assault rifles and remains the most widely used.

Discussion

If you have any questions, ask them now! Or would you like to take the test?