This is an assignment for Simone's adoption program. You are welcome to edit this page if you notice any errors or have any additional information to add, but as a courtesy, please notify OrenBochman if you make any major changes to avoid any possible confusion between him and his adoptee(s). Thanks!
"Ministry of Works" says it all! You wonder whether ten words could be six or five (or fewer, if you want it to be what functional grammar calls "a short text". Removing words could make the sign more direct and the font-size bigger.
Redundancy, rather than poor grammar and spelling, is the biggest source of problems in prose. Here are sets of exercises to sharpen your ability to identify redundancy. The exercises tend to get harder as you progress through the page. Remember, you're trying to develop the habit of scrutinising the need for every word in a text. Undertaking these exercises can be the start of a longer project to tighten up your prose.
"Unfolding" design. The exercises are designed to be done in your head, without writing. On purpose, each unfolds in stages: first, the problem text, then a succession of hints to help you along; then a solution; finally an explanation. You'll get the most out of the exercises by thinking carefully about each stage before clicking on the next. Stop before you've had enough, and plan to return each day to take up where you left off. "Distributed" ("spaced out") practice rather than "massed" (all at once) will have a more lasting effect on your writing style.
But of course you're welcome to do the exercises without registering.
Let's start with straightforward tasks. The following six examples can be improved by striking just one word. First, try to identify this word in each of these cases; then hit [Show] to view the suggested solution.
Problem A
Last month, more than 40% of featured article nominations successfully passed.
Hint
You pass or you fail; you're successful or unsuccessful.
Solution
Last month, more than 40% of featured article nominations successfully passed.
Explanation
Try the opposite ("unsuccessfully passed") to see how useless "successfully" is in this role.
Problem B
The vectors—green and yellow—follow the average rainfall pattern for each region (see Figure 2).
Hint
The role of the parentheses, among other things, makes one word redundant.
Solution
The vectors—green and yellow—follow the average rainfall pattern for each region (see Figure 2).
Explanation
The parentheses are quite enough to tell the reader that Figure 2 illustrates what is being explained.
Problem C
They invaded the coast and brought along European diseases.
Solution
They invaded the coast and brought along European diseases.
Explanation
"Along", in this context, is one of a number of redundant prepositions that have crept into spoken English.
Problem D
The manager has plans to accept the offer.
Hint
A slight change in the grammar of the sentence is required to remove the word.
Solution
The manager has plans to accept the offer.
Explanation
Changing the grammar ("plans" is now the verb, instead of a noun) allows one word to be dropped.
Problem E
The least accessible forested areas were the last ones to be cleared.
Hint
Use ellipsis, where you leave out a back-reference and the reader effortlessly reinserts it in their mind as they slide over it.
Solution
The least accessible forested areas were the last ones to be cleared.
Explanation
Through ellipsis we can avoid the repetition of a noun ("forested areas") or a pronoun that refers to it ("ones").
Problem F
Both the parents chose to educate their children in Beijing.
[That is, the mother was initially in favour of Shanghai.]
Hint
This might cause non-native speakers a problem!
Solution
Both the parents chose to educate their children in Beijing.
Explanations
"The" is optional because "Both" already qualifies the noun "parents". Because the specific parents are clearly already identifiable to the readers, it's better without "the". Knowing where to insert "the" and "a", and where not to, can be a major problem for many non-native speakers. It's very important to conquer this subtle part of basic English grammar.
This sudden recognition led to keen competition for Handel's future services.
Hint
The logic already tells you about the timing.
Solution
This sudden recognition led to keen competition for Handel's future services.
Explanation
Try the opposite: "This sudden recognition led to keen competition for Handel's past services."
Problem B
The orbiter project, cancelled in 2005, would have specifically targeted Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.
Hint
The meaning of the redundant word is already conveyed by another word.
Solution
The orbiter project, cancelled in 2005, would have specifically targeted Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.
Explanation
Targeting is specific.
Problem C
These two species are both members of the equine family.
Solution
These two species are both members of the equine family.
Explanations
Either "two" or "both" is required: one of these words must be removed. If you want to emphasise (grammatically mark) the fact that the two species are in the same family—for example, because it's unexpected or unusual—retain "both" and remove "two". "Both" is an amplifier—it makes the reader attend to the coupling as a special case. Compare with the unmarked version:
"These two species are both members of the equine family."
Problem D
After 1731 the opera was not staged again for more than 200 years.
Solution
After 1731 the opera was not staged again for more than 200 years.
Explanation
The logic of "after".
Problem E
There are three established methods available for the delignification of lignocellulosic biomass.
Solution
There are three established methods available for the delignification of lignocellulosic biomass.
Explanation
*"Available" is redundant because its meaning is already contained in "There are".
Alternatively, you could keep "available" and bin "There are", like this:
"There are Three established methods are available for the delignification of lignocellulosic biomass."
Hint: "There are ..." is sometimes a sign that redundancy is lurking.
Problem F
Bruckner's Symphony No. 3 was a turning point for the composer. However, in the years following the work's premiere, he revised it several times.
Solution
Bruckner's Symphony No. 3 was a turning point for the composer. However, in the years following the work's premiere, he revised it several times.
Explanation
What else would a premiere be in this context but of the symphony?
More than two wrong: this skill needs attention—consider undertaking all of the exercises below.
Vermeer's Lady writing a letter with her maid (1670); nowadays, the relative ease and speed of written communication have resulted in a move towards plainer, less formal structures, including simpler, shorter sentences. But we know from looking at the text of the great writers that redundancy has always been intuitively avoided in good writing, even when more elaborate sentence structures were common.
This question rarely arises outside of the soccer league.
Solution
This question rarely arises outside of the soccer league.
Explanation
The "of" in "outside of" and "inside of" is useless and should be avoided, even in speaking. It's easy to slip into this redundant usage.
Problem B
The field trips identified potential hot-spots in typical rolling mills, and the researchers have made some initial contacts with companies to gain permission for trials of their new cooling system.
Hint
See the plural "contacts"?
Solution
The field trips identified potential hot-spots in typical rolling mills, and the researchers have made some initial contacts with companies to gain permission for trials of their new cooling system.
Explanation
"Some" adds nothing to the already-pluralised "contacts". "Some" is useful when it contrasts with what might otherwise be "all" ("They made available only some of the information we requested.")
Problem C
The B41 gold-nib fountain pen was originally released in 1966 and is still in production today.
Hint
Think of the tense of the verbs (past/present/future).
Solution
The B41 gold-nib fountain pen was originally released in 1966 and is still in production today.
Explanations
*"Still" and "today" carry virtually the same meaning here. "Today" makes your reader momentarily ponder whether the meaning is "this very day" so it's probably a better candidate for removal.
You could probably remove "originally", since "was" is past tense and a product is normally launched only once.
In Wikipedia articles, we're supposed to avoid vague references to "now" ("... and as of 2009 is still in production").
Problem D
The coastal region is an exception and it enjoys a flourishing tourist industry.
Hint
There is an opportunity for an ellipsis here.
Solution
The coastal region is an exception and it enjoys a flourishing tourist industry.
Explanation
Ellipsis can involve, as here, the omission of one word or more that the reader will easily understand anyway. Here, the use of the pronoun "it" avoided the repetition of the full "the coastal region". This is better, but not as neat as it could be: even the pronoun is unnecessary. "The coastal region" is understood easily as the subject of both claims (In cumbersome fullness: "The coastal region is an exception and the coastal region enjoys a flourishing tourist industry.")
Problem E
Longer tonicisations may also include other secondary chords.
Solution
Longer tonicisations may also include other secondary chords.
Explanations
*Even without the larger context, it's obvious that "also" is idle here; "other" is quite sufficient for the sense.
"Also", an additive connector, is almost always redundant.
Problem F
This involves the provision of a reference section, complemented by inline citations for quotations and any material that is likely to be challenged.
Hint
Well, the word at issue may have meaning in special circumstances, but in many larger contexts it is lazily inserted where it adds nothing.
Solution
This involves the provision of a reference section, complemented by inline citations for quotations and any material that is likely to be challenged.
Explanation
"Any" adds the sense that there will not be much material, if any, of this type. Without "any", the reader will sense that material that is likely to be challenged is not uncommon in Wikipedia's articles. It may be difficult to decide, and not always worth worrying over.
Problem G
Cystic fibrosis is a common hereditary genetic disorder that affects many different parts of the body.
Hint
Similar parts?
Solution
Cystic fibrosis is a common hereditary genetic disorder that affects many different parts of the body.
Explanation
"Many" is sufficient for the sense; the reader will assume that "parts of the body" are different unless you state otherwise. As often, trying the opposite test reveals the wastage.
Problem H
This relationship had already existed before Adobe purchased the company.
Hint
Timing.
Solution
This relationship had already existed before Adobe purchased the company.
Explanation
The past tense in "existed" does the work of "had already".
Problem I
Although Ottawa is one of the Ojibwe dialects that has undergone the most linguistic change, it is still mutually intelligible with other dialects.
Hint
The errant word could be explained either as (1) a double-up with another word that indicates the logical relationship before and after the comma, or (2) an unnecessary "timing" word.
Solution
Although Ottawa is one of the Ojibwe dialects that has undergone the most linguistic change, it is still mutually intelligible with other dialects.
Explanation
"Still" is unnecessary whether it means (a) right up to this day (in which case it should be "as of [year]"), or (b) all the same, despite the high degree of change (in which case, "although" has already done the job).
How did you go in those two sets of exercises? Remember that you're trying to train your eyes and mind to be like a radar, asking whether removing each individual word will change the meaning. With practice, this will become automatic.
Replacement wording may be required, but just do it in your head—no typing please!
Problem A
These findings posed a great number of problems.
Hint
Why use four words when one will do?
Solution
These findings posed a great number ofmany problems.
Problem B
Recent analyses of available historical records show why the European settlement of Greenland failed.
Hint
Try the "opposite" test.
Solution
Recent analyses of available historical records show why the European settlement of Greenland failed.
Explanation
"Unavailable historical records"? However, if the larger context is that only some of the historical records are available (i.e., "we know there are others, but can't locate or access them"), it may not be redundant to use the word.
Problem C
After the punch-up at the grand final, the NCAA took measures to prevent major brawls from happening again.
Hint
The expression of timing has doubled up.
Solution
After the punch-up at the grand final, the NCAA took measures to prevent major brawls from happening again.
Explanation
Try the opposite as a thought experiment: would the NCAA try to prevent brawls in the past?
Problem D
In the year of 1988, there were renewed efforts to boost the government's popularity.
Solution
In the year of 1988, there were renewed efforts to boost the government's popularity.
Explanation
1988 is a year; your readers don't need to be told.
Problem E
These aspects serve to distort some of the elements of the architecture, such as structure and envelope.
Hint
Think of sets and subsets.
Solution
These aspects serve to distort some of the elements of the architecture, such as structure and envelope.
Explanations
*Serve whom? The more direct wording loses little or no meaning.
Both "some" and "such as" are subset terms; you don't need both. There's a temptation to use "some" to convey the sense of "not all" elements of a set. But there's no need, because if you did mean "all of the elements", you'd write it explicitly. Thus, "some", as usual, is redundant: just writing "elements" (the plural of "an element") means "more than one element, but not all of them".
As a result of making such decisions, poker players are able to maximise their odds and win more money.
Hint
There's a possible grammatical change at the start that would yield neater, shorter wording. A second change would remove an unnecessary emphasis on ability in favour of what actually happens.
Solution
As a result ofBy making such decisions, poker players are able to maximise their odds and win more money.
Explanation
It might just be that the larger context concerns players' ability, or the challenges they must overcome to make money, and that you might want to retain that nuance ("are able to"); but that would be unusual.
Problem B
More than 300 million Led Zeppelin albums have been sold worldwide, including 109.5 million sales in the US alone.
Hints
*Two words are very similar.
Another improvement could be made by removing a word that is probably an unnecessary amplification.
Solution
More than 300 million Led Zeppelin albums have been sold worldwide, including 109.5 million sales in the US alone.
Explanations
*"Sold" doesn't need to be reinforced here by "sales"; this is an "ellipsis", where Led Zeppelin album sales is assumed, because we've just read "300 million Led Zeppelin albums have been sold".
"In the US" is already contrasted with "worldwide"; adding "alone" seems unnecessary.
Problem C
Apart from the poets mentioned in the Kavirajamarga, later Kannada writers have referred to three poets as being eminent among their predecessors.
Hint
There's an ellipsis opportunity and an unnecessary verb.
Solution
Apart from the poets mentioned in the Kavirajamarga, later Kannada writers have referred to three poets as being eminent among their predecessors.
Explanations
*The second occurrence of "poets" can be omitted as an ellipsis.
"Being" is unnecessary; the grammar has now shifted to referring to something as X; this requires no verb be, since "as" does the job of equating.
Problem D
Due to problems with some of the more novel features of Bulleid's design, all members of the class were subsequently rebuilt by British Railways during the late 1950s, losing their air-smoothed casings in the process. A third of the class avoided the scrapper, and they can be seen on heritage railways throughout Great Britain.
Hint
Remove two separate words.
Solution
Due to problems with some of the more novel features of Bulleid's design, all members of the class were subsequently rebuilt by British Railways during the late 1950s, losing their air-smoothed casings in the process. A third of the class avoided the scrapper, and they can be seen on heritage railways throughout Great Britain.
Explanations
*""Subsequently" is redundant because the sequence of events is clear without it.
In the process reiterates when they were rebuilt. Replacing losing with and lost would remove a comma.
"They" can be removed and understood "silently" by the reader (ellipsis).
"Some of" seems to be necessary here as a subset term.
Problem E
He contributed to research that led to the finding of a cure for malaria.
Hint
Too many links in the chain of meaning?
Solution
He contributed to research that led to the finding of a cure for malaria.
These examples will require varying amounts of recasting in your head.
Problem A
The end of ship-building had an enduring effect throughout the existence of imperial China.
Hint
It's another time issue: "end", "enduring", "throughout", "existence".
Solution
The end of ship-building had an enduring effect throughout the existence ofon imperial China.
Explanation
Your readers will assume that imperial China had an existence that spanned time, so there's no need to say that explicitly.
Problem B
The majority of critics gave the film negative reviews.
Hint
Try to replace three words with one.
Solution
The majority ofMost critics gave the film negative reviews.
Explanation
*"The majority of" is unnecessarily precise here, unless you really want to emphasise "more than half". Yes, English does have the potential to be ugly.
Problem C
The territory's path of evolution has been a challenge for the government.
Hint
Two consecutive words could easily be removed.
Solution
The territory's path of evolution has been a challenge for the government.
Explanation
Evolution follows a path in any case, so "path" should not be specified. One reader suggested further shrinkage: "The territory's path of evolution has challenged the government." Exactly the right thinking, but always check that you haven't changed the meaning, which, here, may now have been made stronger than the writer intended.
Problem D
Sport is a compulsory activity for all students; teams usually have training two times a week.
Hint
Sport is an activity, isn't it. Remove two isolated words, and replace four consecutive words with one. (Six words could be removed, and two inserted.)
Solution
Sport is a compulsory activity for all students; teams usually have training two timestrain twice a week.
Explanations
*Sport is an activity, so there's no need to tell us that. "Have training" is a loose expression, analogous to "have classes"; in writing, something neater and simpler is required.
Where possible, use one word for two ("twice" for "two times").
Problem E
During a complex history, four local communities have tried to become the capital over the years.
Hint
"History" says it already.
Solution
During a complex history, four local communities have tried to become the capital over the years.
Explanation
"Over the years" adds nothing to what we already know is a historical context.
The longest geographical name in the UK: I switch off after the first three syllables. Removing redundant words may stop your sentences from feeling like this.
Redundancy occurs not only because your intended meaning is already conveyed by other words in the sentence; the wider context you've established in the text can make wording redundant. Picking out redundant wording from longer windows of text brings us closer to the actual editing experience on Wikipedia.
At the end of each "problem", we tell you how many incidences of redundancy the text contains. See if you can mentally tick them off as you read through, before hitting the Show Hint button to reveal the general location of each redundancy.
Problem A
The eye of a storm is a region of mostly calm weather found at the centre of a tropical cyclone. Typically 30–65 km in diameter, the eye is surrounded by the eyewall, where the most severe weather of a cyclone occurs. A cyclone's lowest barometric pressure occurs in the eye, and can be as much as 15% below the atmospheric pressure outside of the storm. The distance between the centre of the eye and eyewall defines the radius of maximum wind for a tropical cyclone. [Five incidences of redundancy]'
Hint
The eye of a storm is a region of mostly calm weather found at the centre of a tropical cyclone. Typically 30–65 km in diameter, the eye is surrounded by the eyewall, where the most severe weather of a cyclone occurs. A cyclone's lowest barometric pressure occurs in the eye, and can be as much as 15% below the atmospheric pressure outside of the storm. The distance between the centre of the eye and eyewall defines the radius of maximum wind for a tropical cyclone.
Solution
The eye of a storm is a region of mostly calm weather found at the centre of a tropical cyclone. Typically 30–65 km in diameter, the eye is surrounded by the eyewall, where the most severe weather of a cyclone occurs. A cyclone'sThe lowest barometric pressure occurs in the eye, and can be as much as 15% below the atmospheric pressure outside of the storm. The distance between the centre of the eye and eyewall defines the radius of maximum wind for a tropical cyclone.
Explanations
*"Of a storm" and "of a cyclone" are readily recoverable from the wider context; "a cyclone's" can go for the same reason.
"Found" is like "situated": fluff. We just don't need to visualise the meteorologist staring at the radar monitor "finding" the eye of the storm.
"Outside of" is a lapse into looseness; the "of" should be binned even in speech.
Problem B
Coronation Street is Britain's longest-running television soap opera, first broadcast on Friday 9 December 1960 in the Granada region of ITV. The program has consistently been the most highly rated program on British television. Since its launch, Coronation Street has been broadcast in many countries worldwide, including Canada, Australia, Belgium and Holland, and has also been translated into five languages. Its storylines have covered diverse topics and themes, including death, marriage, divorce and murder. [Five incidences of redundancy]
Hint
Coronation Street is Britain's longest-running television soap opera, first broadcast on Friday 9 December 1960 in the Granada region of ITV. The program has consistently been the most highly rated program on British television. Since its launch, Coronation Street has been broadcast in many countries worldwide, including Canada, Australia, Belgium and Holland, and has also been translated into five languages. Its storylines have covered diverse topics and themes, including death, marriage, divorce and murder.
Solution
Coronation Street is Britain's longest-running television soap opera, first broadcast on Friday 9 December 1960 in the Granada region of ITV. The program has consistently been the most highly rated program on British television. Since its launch,Coronation Street has been broadcast in many countries worldwide, including Canada, Australia, Belgium and Holland, and has also been translated into five languages. Its storylines have covered diverse topics and themes, including death, marriage, divorce and murder.
Explanations
*The second "program" can be removed through ellipsis.
"Since its launch" is logically assumed.
"Worldwide" doesn't say much after "In many countries"; it implies that these countries are widely spread around the world, but this is obvious from the subsequent list.
"Also", as usual, is idle.
"Topics" is logically assumed from the context; the list is of themes, not topics, so the sentence is improved by the removal.
Problem C
After a recommendation from Dutch admirals saying that the Koninklijke Marine should be bolstered, the Minister of Defence ordered the Navy to prepare designs for a battlecruiser class. A preliminary plan by Dutch designers was completed in July 1939, but as they had never designed any sort of modern capital ship (the battleships of 1913 having been of foreign design), the plans did not reflect any of the advances in warship design that had come about after the First World War; in particular, the armour protection was totally outmoded. [Four incidences of redundancy]
Hint
After a recommendation from Dutch admirals saying that the Koninklijke Marine should be bolstered, the Minister of Defence ordered the Navy to prepare designs for a battlecruiser class. A preliminary plan by Dutch designers was completed in July 1939, but as they had never designed any sort of modern capital ship (the battleships of 1913 having been of foreign design), the plans did not reflect any of the advances in warship design that had come about after the First World War; in particular, the armour protection was totally outmoded.
Solution
After a recommendation from Dutch admirals saying that the Koninklijke Marine should be bolstered, the Minister of Defence ordered the Navy to prepare designs for a battlecruiser class. A preliminary plan by Dutch designers was completed in July 1939, but as they had never designed any sort ofa modern capital ship (the battleships of 1913 having been of foreign design), the plans did not reflect any of the advances in warship design that had come about after the First World War; in particular, the armour protection was totally outmoded.
The Cut the clutter list – a useful list of fluffy groups and phrases. I haven't checked out the rest of their site, which is affiliated with The New York Times, a good sign. Beware its potential as a commercial hook to funnel you towards pay-sites.
Jprof, for teaching journalism – looks ok, but remember that journalism is quite a different register from that required in Wikipedia articles and research text. Again, it's a teaser to draw you into forking out money.
